Making Friends with Fear
Tuesday, March 1, 2011 at 11:24AM The March issue of Shambala Sun features the beloved Pema Chodron on the "Smiling at Fear" teachings. I'm not ready for that. No. I can't smile yet at that which makes my stomach lurch, or my knees knock. I would like to be there but I'm not.
But maybe, just maybe I can make friends with one or two of those fears that haunt me so often.
Sunday morning, after a 48 hour migraine that left me finally not in pain, yet still feeling like I'd been run over by a truck, I went out for breakfast and realized that I just wasn't up for anything. I was disappointed in myself. This would be day three of accomplishing not much and it was beginning to look like a month that had started out so promising was going to be a personal disappointment.
Oh, but hold on a moment. This is my year of "allowing," right? Not my year of, "Melissa accomplishes more than ever before." It's so easy for me to fall into that trap, how about you? It's so easy for me to want to be able to check "doing" things I can check easily off a list. I am so wrapped up in the doing culture and in so doing I forget that I began this "allowing" journey this year because what I'm really going for is those subtle but deep transformational shifts in my being that allow me to look at myself and my world with fresh eyes.
So I decided that I wasn't disappointed in myself after all. Yes, I have much spring cleaning and organizing to do. Yes, I have a tax project looming over my head that I want very much to complete by mid April. Yes I have a novel I want to get back to writing. Ok. But pushing myself when I was weak and very tired both from the migraine, and also because my downstairs neighbor needs to blast his t.v. all night won't bring me any closer to being friends with my fear, or even perhaps someday being able to smile at it.
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