Leaning Into Yes...

First may I say Happy 150th Birthday to Alphonse Mucha, and kudos to Google for drawing attention to one of my favorite (and may I say) sadly underrated artists who inspired and influenced so man.

A couple of weeks ago my friend Katherine at the wonderfully written, inspiring and super honest and courageous Dating God blog dared me to just say f**ck it, stop being so nice, and get real with my writing. Jump into "yesness" with both feet she invited, and stop with the "one foot hovering over the break" deal!

I've been pondering the dare ever since. I really had to chew on it, knowing it was a very "Allowing that Permission Slip from God" moment, but having a hard time accepting it.

But I do ask my clients to get very real with their stories, and understand that the personal is universal. I think we are all so hungry now for authenticity and candor and integrity of vision, and so I decided it was time to dig deeper personally. It's not that I'm not honest about what I write, I just have a way of toning things down, of softening, and I'd like to be more vibrant and real and resonant.

Thus the idea to take a hiatus for a week, to chill and focus on my creativity instead of work, was born. This is hard for me because I find a way to make almost everything a job. Indeed it's becoming something of a vision quest complete with my walls covered with large pieces of white paper scribbled on by my hot pink sharpie (who doesn't love a hot pink sharpie?). But I'm stopping now when I need to. My cell phone is turned off, and often so is my land line. Eating and reading for pleasure take precedence.

(On a side note, how many of us remember the movie Vision Quest? Today I found out it was apparently Linda Fiorentino's very first film. She has a knack for showing up in interesting films and playing brave roles doesn't she? Of course everyone thinks of The Last Seduction, but I'm thinking of The Moderns and Dogma too.)

In less than 24 hours I've experienced some really lovely dreams. I'm one of those classic migraine sufferers who has crazy vivid dreams (as does my neighbor, the world's most handsome plumber, but more on him another time. And yes, you would agree with me if you met him), and I keep track of mine in my journals. I've found them to be an excellent way to know how my psyche is fairing. I'm thrilled whenever I break a dream pattern.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Those stress dreams like showing up to school in your underwear (or less - and they were used so brilliantly in Risky Business, weren't they?). I have a whole broad series of them, depending on what kind of stress my psyche feels like it's under. Last night was a totally new, mostly happy and very positive scenario. I'm thrilled. I got to play house with the actor David Conrad (or rather my dream interpretation of him) of Ghost Whisperer fame (but to me he will always be Leo of Relativity - oh he had such killer hair).

No, I don't actually spend time day dreaming about the lovely David (though I do think my subconscious has good taste). The dream was significant because David and I had our very own home - and it wasn't any house from my past. It wasn't a house we were just moving into, it was obviously one we'd had for awhile - it was lived in, personal. Actually there were a series of dreams of David and I in this house, doing very normal stuff (yep, and sexy, hah) and I couldn't be more thrilled.

You see I am constantly moving to a new place in my dreams, sometimes they are only a trailer (with over watered plants - that was recent, still puzzling that out), often they are run down and completely vacant, sometimes they are interesting apartments that have secret gardens or rooms that I'm not originally aware of. In some of the dreams I'm moving with my Mother, sister and baby brother during the most tumultuous time of my parent's relationship, at other times I'm the adult me now.

Obviously my psyche doesn't really feel like it has it's own home yet, but now there's been a change for the better.

But I know how easily we can slide back into our old comfortable habits of ego sets and fears. I know my dreams will only continue to take fresh new turns, delving into new horizons, if I stay brave, stay questioning assumptions and dealing with myself kindly as I lean more and more into yes.